Please put every effort into upholding your vows when you marry, in sickness, in health, in poverty, in times needing forgiveness. This is the road to a long-term relationship.
—Every time I look at the news, another celebrity couple is getting divorced.
Just recently, Gwen Stefani and ex-husband Gavin Rossdale divorced because Gavin allegedly had an affair with their nanny for three years.
Married couples having irreconcilable differences or affairs (celebrity or not) are nothing new, but, unfortunately, celebrity couples have a higher risk of keeping their relationships together and out of the public eye.
We as commoners still seem to hold them to a higher standard and take it personally when they part, because we like to live vicariously through them. Unfortunately, we don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors and should keep this in mind when a divorce produces itself.
Having been in a marriage for 22 years and counting, it’s a daily, not-so-easy commitment. But one that’s worthwhile if done correctly. Even though there’s no magic pill or perfect answer to a happy marriage, here are three tried and true traits to make a lifelong marriage work, unlike your favorite celebrity couple.
1. Trust. We all know that you can’t have a healthy, committed relationship without trust. Trust is definitely earned and not given. As a married couple enters into a new commitment or an old one that needs renewing, you can’t have each other’s backs without this important trait. For example, if you were ever on a cheerleading squad and climbed to the top of the pyramid during a stunt, it took lots of practice to build enough trust for you to make it to the top without feeling the pressure of falling. Yes, sometimes you did fall, but you always trusted that the people holding you wouldn’t drop you again. And if they did, you got back up. Why? Because you worked at it and worked at it until the fear went away one stunt at a time. I’m sure that every celebrity couple started out this way, as have you, but along the way they were dropped over and over, and gave up trying to climb the pyramid together again. When you fall, get back up. Don’t give up. Don’t lose faith. Keep trust alive.
2. Hard work. I believe that most couples break up because they give up too easily. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t divorce if you are experiencing abuse, getting cheated on repeatedly or your spouse gives up without trying, but couples these days, don’t stick around for the long haul. For example, my grandparents were married for over 50 years before their deaths. It was uncommon for anyone to divorce in their day. I’m pretty sure if society had made it a little easier and it wasn’t shameful, more couples would have, but that’s my point, our society today has given us an easy way out. If we get bored, if he or she doesn’t make enough money, if he or she grows old or gets plump around the middle or God forbid has an affair because they wanted to run away from their marital problems, then we are ready to throw in the towel. Being in a lifelong marriage takes hard work and we give up far too easily on each other. We should talk through problems. Listen instead of talk. Work on our flaws. Stop blaming one another. Go to counseling. Come to an agreement or just agree to disagree. Whatever it takes. If you were to take a poll of divorced couples that you know, I believe they would have stayed in their first marriages, worked a little harder and made it work, celebrities included.
3. Forgiveness. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and will continue to make mistakes until we die. It’s no different in a marriage. But I believe that this is the main reason married couples divorce. When someone gets hurt in one way or another, it’s very hard for us to forgive. We may believe that we are truly forgiving our spouse when they hurt us, but we really don’t know how deep inside our hearts the injustice has gone. For example, if your spouse verbally abuses you and then they decide that they want to change and do everything to prove it to you, then it’s up to you to forgive them and let them try. Forgiving a spouse that hurts you in any way, helps YOU more than them. It releases the burden from you and helps you to move forward. If you don’t forgive, you will remain stuck in your life and your marriage will never move beyond the pain. Again, I’m not saying you should stay in a relationship that causes you any harm, but I’m saying if your spouse shows signs of true change and commitment to making your marriage work, you should forgive and release any past mistakes that will take a toll on your marriage and stop rehashing it. I believe if celebrity couples would stop caring what the public thinks and embrace forgiveness in their marriages then we wouldn’t have much else to say.
Celebrity married couples are human beings and probably have experienced all or some of the traits I’ve listed. Unfortunately,they have given up on marriage and move on quickly, as most do. But in the eye of the public, we’ve held them to a higher standard that’s impossible to reach. I believe it’s quite unfair.
Instead of focusing on them, we should look into our backyards and make sure our marriages are intact. It’s always easier to point the finger at others who we feel are unapproachable or perfect, but just put yourself in their shoes and let’s try to be better examples.< Marriage is a committed relationship between two people who decided to take this journey of life together. Yes, some marriages should have never happened, but once you decide to make this sacred commitment with another, please put every effort you can into this person that you promised to cherish in sickness, in health and until death do you (supposedly) part. ---